Todd + Homer = Love

Couldn't resist posting this after I found it.  From Christmas 2007.

Mrowrr

What was that? What was that flash?  I saw something move!  I swear I did!  There it goes again!  Up on that wall!  I will use my ancient fighting technique to capture it.  Crouch, be ready to spring, and. attack!  Get it! Get it! Get it!  Okay, missed it, must be ready to strike again at any moment.  Crouch…nothing moves but my eyes.  It cannot see me coming.  I am invisible!  I am the ultimate hunter!  Attack!  You are mine you evil buzzing thing!  Mine!  Damn.  Missed it again.  But I have no fear.  I shall wait and watch and ATTTACK!  HA!  GOT IT!   Food!  Mine!  Yack.  Ick.  Not as tasty as it sounded.  But it is no longer moving.  I have conquered it!  I am still king of—what’s that?  Did I hear right?  My slave has returned!  I knew it could not live without me!  It only exists for my pleasure.  There you are my slave!  I shall forgive your absence with a dignified noise.  Oh good, it is adorned in the fur I enjoy so well.  Rub rub rub, ah such a pleasant texture.  Rub rub...What?  Raising me with your paws?  I’m no sure…oh such heaven!  Such a feel against my face and paws stroking over all the spots I like.  I suppose I shall keep this slave for its own good.  What? Putting me down already?  Walking away?  No!  The king deserves more rubbing.  More petting!  The king must be adored!  But wait!  It goes into the feeding room!  I shall sit and await the glorious instrument that reveals food fit for such royalty as I am.  I am sure if I open my eyes wide and stare long enough that the device will reveal its secrets to me.  Oh the slave blocks my view!  It does it on purpose to hide the secret—FISH!  Ohh…happy noise, fish!  The dish I am most fond of.  I smell it with my kingly senses.  I must taste it now!  I will rub against the slave’s legs until it puts it down.  Oh glorious food.  Yum Yum Yum.  Ah it’s so good I will see if I can get more petting.  No?  No?  I will stare at the slave intently until I get my way, No? Fine!  See if I ever grace you with my royal presence again.  I shall ignore you until you I go to…go to…sleep.

Written for ENG 3100 Story Prompt.

Time Machine

2000-2005 Email Quotes

2000 
Kristen:  I made Carmen come over and we made a snow turtle.  


Kristen:  My mom asked me what I did yesterday and I told her I fell down fifteen stories attached only to a wire and you [Anna] and Carmen.  She put her hand over her heart and stopped breathing for a few seconds.  Priceless.


Kim:  Write, or I will have to come after you with a wet whipping spaghetti noodle.


Kristen to Kim:  Maybe I should just fuzz your head and all will be a bit more right in the world).  (Fuzzes your head) 


Kim: All I wanted to do was dress up like a bunny rabbit.


Kristen: I look exactly the same.  Well, except for the green hair, fangs, and beard, but otherwise, EXACTLY the same.

2001:

Kristen:  Somewhere along the line, the boys have decided I am superior to them and I smile and silently agree.

2002:

Dad: Let us know you are OK.  We are OK.  See Spot run.  Run Spot, run.

Kristen:

See Spot.

See Spot on Shirt.

See Spot on Shirt Run.

See Spot on Shirt Run from Detergent.

See Detergent Remove Spot

Go Spot Go!

See Detergent has Bleach.

See Bleach Make New Spot.

Bad Spot, Bad!

Miss Old Spot.

Kristen:  I got my warning that apartment buildings are being threatened by Al Qaeda, complete with FBI email address to use in case of any information. 

Mom: Just wanted you to know that I know I miss you and your laundry

2003:

Kristen to Kim:  I hate you. (but in a really loving way)

Kristen:  I am not good at any impressions, but can make a pretty decent fish face (Wait---let me double check . . . yep still fishy).

Kristen to Pat:  You meant to write 'be happy" and instead I read "be harpy."  I don't know which one I like better!

Kristen: For every sane friend I have, I seem to have attracted at least two insane ones.  It is yet to be decided on which side of the line you're on. 

Kristen: Just noticed that ew is not in my spell-check dictionary, but EW is.  I know it just assumes EW stands for initials,  but it would be really funny if ew was only a word if IT IS SAID LOUDLY.

Kristen: and I just learned that ! is a math sign.  What else are these sneaky little punctuation marks hiding from me!?!?!  <---that could be a mathematical breakthrough right there!

2005 

Kristen: There is a Kit Kat that has been staring at me for the past few hours that deserves to be digested in my stomach for it's ogling rudeness. 

Kristen: I have found new cars do not rattle.  I find this a very good feature. 

 

1999 Email Quotes

Meagan: I've decided that the next time that someone asks me where my boyfriend is I am going to say that I don't know.  I haven't seen him since the pre-existence. 

Kristen: Well, another valentine's day coming up and I'm single.  I'm celebrating this whole week though by renting all the die hard and lethal weapon movies.  Some people get sappy.  I get violent.  I'm beginning to enjoy this holiday.  Plus, cheap chocolate for sale on the 15th.

(in response to ideas of Kristen should go do)

Anna: certify for deep sea diving, scuba diving, skydive,

Kristen: Turn into shark bait or a pancake...you love me anna, you really love me...

Anna:  join a Mormon convent

Kristen: You hate me anna, you really hate me...

Anna: Join the Glee Club. Make pink frosting a fashion statement.

Kristen: You despise me anna, you totally despise me...

Anna:  Marry Christian Bales.

Kristen:  Plural?  Anna is forgiven for everything previously said.

Kim: All this talk of shoes makes me hungry for... cookie.  Hmmm.  Moral dilemma.

Anna:  I am in serious need of reaffirmation of self and existence. In other words, the brownies aren't working!!!! 

Random Email Subjects:  dark corners have velvet edges; George Washington rides a white horse; You can't stop me now.  I'm on a roll.  (Mustard and Ketchup, Please.), Jump-roping oranges, Bittersweet Tumbleweed

Kim:  Okay, Why are we comparing me to a rabid badger?  Actually, that seems quite appropriate.  Badgers aren't ticklish either.

 Anna: Somehow, I can't seem to find anyone with a shoulder quite as comfortable as yours! Grrr!

Kristen: I was thinking that EXACT SAME THING this weekend.  Of course, I slept on your head, but I thought I'd be nice and not say that I miss your soft head.

Anna & Kristen's band name:  Psychic Tickle.

Kim:  Kristy--Hello!  You were in my dream last night.  I don't know what you were doing there, but you stood in my OSU bathroom and yelled at the missing shower curtain until it was so ashamed that it reappeared.

Thankyou for that. :-)

Kim:  I'm off to watch a meteor shower (I wonder what soap he'll use).